I have a friend named Danny. He’s a notoriously good guy. Faithful husband, solid dad, coaches pee-wee soccer—the full package as good men go. We met a few years ago when he and his wife moved to our city. They stumbled into our little church bruised and beat up from a previous life. Moving here for a new job and fresh start gave them renewed trust to find a church that worked for them. Their “church list” was completely different than I had heard. They weren’t looking for a big band or tweetable sermons. The fact that they crossed our spiritual threshold meant they weren’t too picky about buildings either. We grabbed an espresso in an out of the way coffee house, and that’s when they told me what they were looking for in a church.
I cringed. Then I laughed.
Not because what they told me was funny. Just the opposite. They shared, not so much a list, but a dream. A deep hope of what is possible in church. I won’t share the details, only because in some way what they said was sacred . . . but also because what they said unnerved me.
Danny told me they felt like the church, at least the American church, was trying too hard. With all the lights and lasers, the losers were getting left out. The big buildings made him feel like corporate America had a baby with Disney World. And the bible—this thing this guy was really serious about—the bible was basically getting left out. Yeah, overly dressed hipsters were reading the bible and giving a message, but it lacked grit. I nodded. I was feeling what he was feeling, but I lacked the words. Honestly, I lacked the perspective. I was smackdab in the middle of a blind spot.
Danny and his wife have now firmly rooted themselves in our city. Still no church though. They visited churches for a while and then gave up. This thing is hard.
He was late for our last coffee appointment and sat down frazzled from his day and just unloaded. He confessed that their unbridled optimism about what church could be, certainly should be, had eventually translated into disappointment. They felt cheated, lied to by the church. They’re a little angry too about why the church just can’t be the d#@m church. You know . . . eat together, pray together, obey together, do life together. Basic church life.
This conversation is not new to me. I live and work in this space. I mean, really, is there a church community that truly fits, fully embodies the ethos of what we see in the New Testament? I don’t know. Our little tribe of misfits that I pastor isn’t quite there. We’re trying hard.
Danny and I met again today. The steam from his espresso lifted upward to his face that seemed more confident about church. He tells me they are looking for a church. Again. He grins, knowing I’m happy to hear it. It’s encouraging when someone sees beyond the smoke and mirrors and insecure promises made from good intentions. My friend knows the church is filled with broken people just like him. He tells me God has given him a grace for this new journey of finding his place in the church.
Secretly, I hope he visits our little group of ragamuffins again. Until then, I’m satisfied that the church, as frail as she is, is still drawing lonely people into a family.
Hi Jon, it’s hard on both sides isn’t it? It’s hard pastoring & leading a church like the one he wants. I know, I had one. We did what he says he wants. We were small and didn’t seem to really ever grow that much. But, we were family and spent time together. We were close, everyone pretty much knew what everyone else was going through and would help when needed. I think new folks had trouble finding there place though. You could tell we were tight and if you stayed for a while you would feel it also. However, I think it probably felt very hard to fit in at first. I’ve heard from several of the families over the years. Lots of them have never gone back to church once it closed. They tried a few churches but said it didn’t have what they expereienced at the Vineyard. I’m part of a pretty large church in Huntsville now. It has 2 campuses and lots of stuff. It’s not what I’m looking for. I want what your friend is describing but where is it? Honestly it seems like when you find one the people are very different… Strange! We are settling for what we have trying to fit in but would rather stay home most days. It sucks! Hope you’re doing well my brother!
Good to hear from you, my friend. Good and painful thoughts. You have a unique voice to speak into this, for sure.
We’ve probably all have heard Danny’s story from someone who is unsettled. Has there ever been that perfect church? I think not if so we would be in heaven. I don’t think Danny will be happy in any church because what he is looking for is nowhere to be found on earth. There are places that are close like the Vineyard, Grace, and others who are trying. We are not perfect people so we can not have a perfect church, just one that is trying hard. We can pray that Danny and his wife find a church that can minister to them and be God’s hands and heart for them.
All true. Good word, my friend.