4 thoughts on “When Should I Leave My Church”

1. While searching for a church in a new city once, a pastor gave the advice to seek a church where the priority was not where I could be served, but where I could serve. If a church is not allowing a member to serve in some way, that could be an opportunity to seek another church, especially if the individual really wants to serve in some capacity. While some may disagree, a church split could be a reason to leave if there is disharmony and friction among the members. That’s what led me to Vineyard many years ago; a big split. And, I also changed church for a son once; a fantastic decision with great results. Feeling that the church I attended was not the best for an incoming teenager, a move was made that had great results.
   Leaving The church can be detrimental to an individual, but leaving A church for the reasons you outline, or that I mentioned, can have tremendous benefits.

   1. Solid additions David. Thanks, my friend!

2. Jon, I absolutely agree about the dangers of our affluent American churches losing a biblical sense of mission. If the goal is “To Know Christ and To Make Him Know,” or “To grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we need to start with the essentials. I recently wrote a little piece, “Four Essentials of a Missional Church,” which spells out some similar basics: (1) text-driven preaching with a certain amount of pastoral rotation in the pulpit to avoid the “one-man” syndrome; (2) sermon-based home groups, weekly; (3) real evangelistic outreach like Evangelism Explosion, which I have been privileged to be part of for the last eight years; and (4) weekly common cup communion with bread and wine (this separates the boys from the girls). If I could just find a church which did the first three, I would be very happy, and if the fourth, I would pick up and move. Here’s the text:

   Four Essential Elements of a MIssional Church
   When Jesus told us to pray “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” he gave the church its marching orders. In what follows, in order to cut through the fog of the contemporary church, I propose four simple pillars or legs for missional, as opposed to a merely institutional, church in doing the work of the kingdom of God: text-driven preaching through the Bible, actual evangelistic outreach through Evangelism Explosion, koinonia in Christ in home groups, and common cup Communion. If a church could just do the first three of these well, it would be light years ahead of most in this country–not to mention the fourth, a contentious sacred cow to many, but a life-giving ordinance to others.
   Several things combine to make such a church. First is a pulpit ministry committed to teaching the Bible by individual books seriatim with side glances at appropriate topics. The word of God, which magnifies God and his work and thus edifies us, also continually corrects our tendency to overrate ourselves and to underrate the message of the gospel witnessed to in the gospels, Acts, epistles, prophecies, histories, and varied genres of the whole Biblical corpus. Much Evangelical ministry is virtually Marcionite in its omission of all serious consideration of the OT beyond Psalms and Proverbs, i.e., the histories and the prophets. Contemporary topics flow out of the text–not superimposed on the sermon as in topical preaching. Text-driven exposition seeks to exhibit the true interpretation or meaning of a passage and allows the application to made by each hearer. Apostles and teachers like Peter, Paul, and Apollos were precious commodities to the early church. Whenever they could be heard, a real feast of learning about God and Christ took place. These three did not do line by line exposition—they were the actors in the drama or were witnessing to the acts of God. Their teaching, therefore, was mostly exposition of themes such as the fulfillment of prophecy in Jesus Christ. We need now to enter into the drama, thought, and spiritual reality of the truths they taught through inspiration of the Holy Spirit by means of the writings which they left–the New Testament and the document which was the foundation for their understanding, the Old Testament. This means close attention to the ipssisima verba. In addition, a certain amount of pastoral rotation in the pulpit is advisable to avoid over dependence on one man’s ministry and to show that the mind of Christ is not limited to one person in this particular body of Christ. Whether one fills the role of associate pastor or youth pastor, the call to gospel ministry should bring with it the desire to teach and proclaim God’s word. The model for all pulpit ministry is Titus 2:8-9: “In all things showing yourself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing incorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.” Preachers are subject to the same ethics as any public speaker (note Paul in Acts 17, Titus 2:8, 1 Cor. 14: 13-26, cf. v.41, “But all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner,” NASB). No showmanship or pulpit antics needed.
   Another reason for the strong emphasis on Biblical teaching is the overly sensate culture in which we live, and the misguided and naive desire of the church to import that culture to attract outsiders. This attractional church, or seeker church, has produced a spirituality a mile wide and ½ inch deep, in my opinion. Excellent sound systems and worship bands have largely replaced congregational singing, and particularly a capella singing. Youth have become adept at drama, dance, skits, light shows, and worship bands. They may even do works of social service– but are they able to share the gospel with their peers convincingly? Have they gotten the engrafted word in their hearts? In high school they are learning world history, political science, and biology, but at church are they learning the basic doctrines of the faith, the history of the church and their own denomination, and perhaps a simple apologetics such as the RAMP acronym (resurrection, archaeology, miracles, and fulfilled prophecy) which provides ample evidence beyond a reasonable doubt for the truth of their faith? Or will they leave high school church programs excited by all the activity but empty, and fall prey to the first skeptic professor that greets them in college, because they just didn’t get it between the ears? I wouldn’t want my teenagers in that youth group. Part of that learning involves critical thinking—the ability to question dubious statements whether made in a faith context or in the world. We do not want children who merely parrot what they hear at home and at church. They must learn the ability to judge things in terms of a Christian worldview based on the Bible.
   The second component is home groups. Right off the bat we have to distinguish them from interest groups, although the meeting locale may be the same. In the ‘80s and ‘90s the interest group fad came in as a way to get everybody in the church involved via some activity which they were interested in. A side benefit was bringing non-Christian friends and neighbors to participate (many long time Christians have few if any non-Christian friends). I myself organized a golf group and a Bonhoeffer group at one church, while scrapbooking, hiking, and basketball on Thursday night or any kind of activity which is not illegal or immoral is acceptable. This is part of the church as multiversity or university mentioned above. These diverse activities are not bad in themselves and may have spiritual outcomes, e.g., the friend who joins who finds Jesus. But in the absence of the more intensive groups which I am advocating, they dissipate energy and take minds away from the real work of the kingdom.
   The early church was almost exclusively a home group church with a limited social reach, so there was no question of these kinds of activities or institutional creep/blahs. The church itself was a religio illicita, forbidden, because its members would not take the oath of sacrifice to the Roman gods and the genius (spirit) of the emperor. The earliest church building remaining dates to about AD 238 in Syria at Dura-Europos, modern Homs, and was merely a meeting room with a baptistry added onto a house. What is the primary purpose for home groups? There are many rubrics out there for home groups. Is it to “connect,” to “make friends,” to “belong”? These are secondary. I believe the primary purpose is sanctification, not individually, but in communion with others: “to grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3: 18). A primary way into this grace is to have sermon-based groups with discussion sheets from pastoral staff. Many have never seen this done, but it a very effective way for smaller groups in the church to consider and reinforce the message coming from the pulpit. It sounds like more work for the leaders, and it is, but the rewards can be profound. The leaders of the home groups are under-shepherds who take a lot of pastoral work off pastors’ shoulders because the group itself ministers to its own. In order to make a difference in people’s lives, they need to meet once a week, perhaps on a semester basis. I know at least one church which has more people in home groups than are members. Such robust home groups have for some churches taken place of the institutional Sunday School class. Before three decades ago, there were few American churches which had any home groups. I grew up in a church with excellent programs. My Dad loved to go into the basement of our large institutional church on Sunday AM before church and hear a guy named Granger teach the Bible. He would tell us after church sometimes that “I would rather hear Granger teach than even the pastor himself.” My Dad never cracked a Bible between services. Church was a spectator sport for him. Although there is no guarantee that Dad would have become a Bible reader in such a home group, they bring that important accountability factor into individual believers’ lives, and the informal prayer and sharing time can be as meaningful as the teaching. Just to be present and to commit to a weekly home group itself requires a level of commitment beyond that of sitting on the pew or a large Sunday School class
   We need, however, to have realistic expectations about home groups—a lowered expectation that mere discussion or joint activity together will produce spiritual results. People come into groups on a weekday covered with the dust of the world. I am a firm believer that before any truly meaningful and spiritual conversation can take place both the Biblical word and some invocation of the Spirit is needed. Believers need the refreshing touch of the word of God in recital together and songs to raise their minds and spirits to a point where discussion and analysis can be fruitful. In their own way, liturgical churches understand this. At that point, prayer can be made to the Lord, heartfelt invocation for the Spirit (epiclesis) to help and anoint the meeting; the door is then opened for the Spirit to begin to apply the word to individuals’ lives (for fuller discussion see my Strange Fire, App F). Churches in the Southern Baptist Convention pioneering sermon-based home groups are sometimes called gospel resurgence churches. Sovereign Grace churches follow this model, as well as some Evangelical Free and other Evangelical groups. But due to the absence of belief in the need for prayer invoking the grace of the Spirit in even these informal circumstances, none follow the model set forth above–to their own detriment, I believe. Lex orandi, lex credendi (lit. “the law of praying is the law of believing,” or “what you are able to pray for is what you believe for”).
   The third and fourth components will not be as readily received by many churches who are in the institutional mold. The third is outreach evangelism. The increasing secularism and plurality in religious belief in our culture has caused many churches to settle for relational “evangelism,” “friendship evangelism,” “workplace evangelism” or some other softer version instead of simple outreach witnessing. It is not either/or. In reality, like a spider which has been sprayed with Raid, this church is gathering its feet under itself to die. Outreach evangelism, not relational discipling, requires scripture memory, prayer, and intentional witnessing by teams or individuals. This is intentional converting ministry such as campus groups like Campus Crusade (Cru) use. It is more and more becoming counter-Christian-cultural, which means it is probably right.
   I believe we are in a season of calm before the storm when it will become dangerous to go out openly witnessing in the name of Christ, and we need to take advantage of it. The day is past when we can sit in the building, bind territorial spirits, pray all night, and expect hordes to break down the church door to get in and beg us to pray for them to be saved. This is “shoe leather” time. The churches need people who are willing to go into the highways and byways and simply tell the story, Christianity 101, to the multitudes who don’t understand it or increasingly, who have never heard it. This is particularly true in an urban area such as Raleigh where many Muslims and Hindus live. Most of these have never opened a Bible for themselves. I have found that the Evangelism Explosion program, a team based concept, is the best suited.
   Many churches have seminars, teachings, and strong encouragement from the pulpit to individuals in the church to witness and be a witness. This well-intentioned expectation does not usually result in much actual gospel witnessing. Evangelism is more caught than taught, and classes will never substitute for on-the field-experience/training in witnessing. As the Evangelism Explosion “International Statement of Faith and Principles” says, “Inexperienced witnesses are best enabled to share the Gospel by participation in discipleship groups that include on-the-job training in actual witnessing situations led by more experienced witnesses.” Pastors and individual believers have to come to a realization that they, and particularly their flocks, may indeed be inexperienced witnesses; in other words, that witnessing is not just something you do naturally and well after you’re saved. As I have seen with Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons, learning to share your faith in an articulate way makes that faith more vital to you. Dottie and I have been involved in such outreach for the last eight years, and it is refreshing and a highpoint of our week every week. This type of evangelism is counter-current-Christian-culture in two ways: first, it requires old-fashioned memorization of scripture and a five-point rubric which has the logic of salvation built into it. Second, it is not a solo performance but a conversational and team effort. So, it requires dedication, learning scriptures from the Bible, and sacrifice of time. It also requires specific prayer, and one will find that it is astounding how regularly God opens doors to witness and even to see conversion.
   The fourth component is weekly communion in conformance with the New Testament model. Early in Acts in Jerusalem they broke bread daily in Jerusalem, as well as attending the Temple (Acts 2:46). Later, according to Earl Cairns in Christianity Through the Centuries, two services were held on the first day of the week (p.84): “That day was adopted as the day of worship because it was the day on which Christ rose from the dead (Acts 20:7, 1 Cor. 16:2, Rev. 1:10).” Taking various indications and nuances from the Epistles, Cairns concludes that “The morning service most likely included the reading of scripture (Col. 3:16), exhortation by the leading elder, prayers, and singing (Eph. 5;19). The love feast (1 Cor. 11:20-22), or agapame preceded the Communion or during the evening service. By the end of the first century the love feast was generally dropped and the communion celebrated during the morning service of worship” (Christianity Through the Centuries, p. 84). In the middle of the second century we find still this continuation of weekly celebration of Communion (cf. Justin Martyr, First Apology, and The Didache). Justin Martyr relates that “The service, held on ‘the day of the Sun,’ started with reading of the ‘memoirs of the apostles’ or ‘the writings of the prophets’ for a period ‘as long as time permits.’ An exhortation or homily based on the reading was then given by the ‘president.’ The congregation then stood for prayer. The celebration of the Lord’s Supper followed the kiss of peace. The elements of bread and ‘water and wine’ were dedicated by thanksgiving and prayers to which the people responded by an ‘Amen’” (p.84). This celebration of God’s triumph over our sin and wickedness through Christ in the supper of body and blood (bread and wine) gives a deep joy. It is more than symbolism. It is participation in Christ (1 Cor 10: 16). It is not multi-cup grape juice and wafers—symbols of our weak individual spirituality and convenience mindset. “And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you’” (Mt 26:27). The one cup which Jesus shares with us in his life, death, and resurrection, a cup of wine, unifies us in the mystery of suffering for sin and triumph of resurrection. The bread also identifies us with him in death and resurrection life. Our walk becomes clearer in the light of eternity. We are prepared to return to the battle with deepened commitment (see my Dialogue, pp. 93-96).
   A couple of pastors I know have looked at models similar to this four-legged stool (cf Simple Church, by Rainer and Geiger), and in essence, have shaken their heads—their people are not ready for it. But isn’t this what leadership is all about? Jesus said in another context, “You tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These [elements] you ought to have done [as primary] and yet not leave the other undone” (Mt 23:23). It is sadly true that it is “easier to give birth than to raise the dead.” One pastor in a home group church said that this type of church requires “sweeping the menu clean” of much clutter in the church calendar. It will require a commitment of two nights in a week for home group and Evangelism Explosion, unless a way is found to incorporate the important things of home group into Sunday School, which is difficult but not impossible. If home group is done right, it can involve families meeting together with other families, so it is not a separation from our loved ones. Some elements of church life such as social compassion ministries and a concert of prayer could be added as needed. Many churches are now moving to the home group rubric. Few or none that I know have both sermon-based home groups and weekly outreach like EE, not to mention common cup Communion (see attachment). So, one cannot say that this is a concept which has been tried and failed—it has never been tried.
   To any church pastors and members, however, who are grievously dissatisfied with their current institutional situation and who might be willing to move even a step or two in this direction, here are some suggestions: be prepared to lead out in these fundamental ministries—don’t just tell the people to have home groups and you and staff not participate in one, and not just a home group made up of staff; don’t encourage the people to do outreach evangelism such as EE and then you or a staff member will not be involved. You may have to let some pet programs go. Be humble enough to admit that brother George on your staff, after years of ministry, though he is not the preacher you are, can bring a word to the people. Require staff and even lay persons to be preaching occasionally. It will up their whole ministry game and cause them to grow to have to prepare and preach before the entire congregation instead of various segments of it. I personally know of a church where the pastor, recognizing gifting on the part of some, both lay people and elders in the congregation, after some informal training, allows them to share the pulpit in the expository sequence. Several young men have been moved to proceed into formal ministerial training by this type of mentoring. Without diminishing the value of academic and ministerial training including seminary, over-professionalism can be the enemy of true edification. In addition, don’t put your own imagination and “inspiration” above the God-inspired text—preach it, as Danny Aiken, President of Southeastern Baptist Seminary, states—word by word, verse by verse, and paragraph by paragraph. True expository preaching is text-driven preaching. Bring facts about the universal history of Communion practice in the churches up to 1850 to the congregation so they can make an informed decision. Some Lutheran churches have both wine and grape juice to accommodate former alcoholics. Haven’t heard of any epidemics among Catholics, Anglicans, and Lutherans lately because of one-cup wine usage, however.
   Here is a prescription to move a church from zero to this four-legged stool in twelve months without losing your job in the second week, doing it in three-month increments. It could be six-month increments, but the process is the same. The first increment would involve pastoral rotation in the pulpit and through-the-Bible preaching. Most congregants will not object to this but be glad, particularly if you tell the story of the events and characters in the narrative and not just make quick applications. The second increment would be Evangelism Explosion. You would have to lead out on this– get people trained, get people excited and fired up about doing evangelism (hey, the pastor’s leading the charge). You will begin to have testimonies of salvations, and other people in the church will have testimonies. You will begin to have real testimony meetings as a part of congregational gatherings as we do every week in EE (if you can get the worship team to quit playing for a brief time). You will gain immensely in stature. After three more months, you would say “Now it’s time for home groups.” You organize the home groups, geographically if possible, so that those with children can meet in homes with rumpus rooms. We did this at Sovereign Grace and Redeemer Community Church quite effectively. The ladies can take the children and entertain or teach them in the spare room so it can actually work very well. So at this point, you’ve got three legs going: pastoral rotation with preaching the word, evangelism, and home groups. Everybody’s both refreshed and optimistic, maybe a little tired, but like those who have been working at some fruitful labor all day, they begin to feel like the church is really going somewhere as a unit.
   At this point you bring in the absolute novelty. You begin to explain the common cup in Communion about the tenth month point, and you say, “All right folks, we’re going to have the common cup with wine at this point”—at that, about half of the folks are going to leave, but you will have developed a core of people that see in you a genuine faith, a New Testament faith, and they will be ready to go with you. Apparently, the ones who leave are more afraid of germs than the whole of Israel, Jesus, the apostles, and all Christians up to 1850 (maybe the germs weren’t so bad then). I personally will be there with my tithe in my hand, and I believe that plenty of others would be too. Life is a journey, why not make it an interesting and exciting journey? Darby would be proud of you, although you don’t necessarily return the favor. Danny Aiken and Mark Dever would say well done at your pastoral practice. The Right Rev Foley Beach, Archbishop of the Anglican Church in North America, would be pleased at your Communion practice, and D. James Kennedy would be clapping from heaven at the sight of God’s people actually witnessing to the gospel. Meanwhile, your denomination would probably still be studying about how to do “contextual evangelism” with a group of consultants. Pulpit ministry does not have to be routine, boring or mundane. It’s what you add to the pulpit that makes church life interesting.
   I think the times indicate the need for churches like this: missional, yet profound, flexible, yet solid in the word. The only memorable phrase I remember from a recent US President is, “It is the height of insanity to continue doing the same old things in the same old way and expect different results.” I applaud Frances Chan for giving up his institutional mega church and going the home church route.
   This type church will require individuals with heart and vision to implement it. The good news, though, is that it is easier to give birth than to raise the dead. (Jeremiah 5:1). Perhaps it will require some young idealistic seminary graduate gathering up people who have no church background, no prejudices, and no clue as to what an institutional church is—he and they may wind up being part of a profoundly spiritual church.
   2 Then the LORD answered me and said,
   “Record the vision
   And inscribe it on tablets,
   That the one who reads it may run.
   3 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time;
   It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail.
   Though it tarries, wait for it;
   For it will certainly come, it will not delay.”
   Habakkuk 2:2-3

   1. Thanks Allan. I so appreciate your heart for the local church!

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