My first blog. I am feel like I am late to a party that perhaps I haven’t been invited to. Either way, the following entries come from my personal daily journal. I will not publish everything, but that which might create conversation, challenge and inspire. I guess we’ll see if any of that happens.
My eight year old son came home the other day and casually asked what the word F*%K meant? Of course Mom and Dad put on the performance of a lifetime as we calmly, yet firmly declared that was not a word we used in our home. At which our verbal gymnast asked, “So I can use it when I’m not at home?” No, that’s not what we meant. We quickly put a period on the questions fearing it would lead to what said word meant and we were not prepared for the birds and the bees conversation quite yet. A couple days later my wife and I were getting ready for work and I casually commented about a friend’s predicament, “Well, that’s crappy.” Unbeknownst to me, my son was attentively listening and just minutes later he used it about how his sister was mistreating him. I looked at my wife, trying to squeeze a smile out of her, and said, “At least he used it in the right context.”
Context or not, words are tricky things. On one hand they have the power to heal and reconcile broken friendships, on the other hand they can sting and create lasting wounds. Of course, on the third hand (yes, in my arguments there are often multi-limbed creatures) words live in a fog of sort-of-right and not quite wrong environments. Let’s be honest, there are words that blister our conscience and others that don’t even register. But what about the words in between?
I made a list of these in-between words that make me feel edgy, culturally savvy and even relevant. This same list however, at times, leaves me feeling a bit empty. Almost as if I have sold out to my inner 19 year old who wears his Gamecocks or Beavers cap, not because he loves the teams, but because he feels a bit naughty out in public. Here are my words:
suck & all derivations thereof (sucks, sucky, suckilicious)
a-hole (actual pronunciation)
retarded
pissed
bites
bastard
shasta
crap
douche & douch-ey
mother (as in, “Well, that mother!”)
bites or bite me
I imagine there are more, but I think you get the point. Is it possible to live a nomadic life in between the two camps of “Funde Stick in the Muds” and “Missionally Relevant Cool Guys”? I don’t know. I guess for now, I will heed the words of my friend James, “My dear brothers, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19) My language may not be as edgy or even relevant, but to the listening ears of my home, I am safe.
A few years back (when I was still in S. Fl) I was taking care of my then 7 & 9 yr old nephews. Growing up in their household it was perfectly acceptable to say.. "I have to take a piss". Shortly into my care of them, there was an incident where my older nephew said this to his teacher which prompted a sit down with both of the boys where I had to explain why this was not an appropriate way of expressing your need to excuse yourself. I also used it as an opportunity to share with them the importance of words and manors and being polite. My youngest nephew then pointed out that sometimes I say "Crap" and I said, well crap isn't really a bad word but one we use in place of a bad word. He asked me how that was different… I found it difficult to find the answer. He further schooled me when he said: "If I think its a bad word & I am just a kid then should you still be saying it?"
Oh the wisdom of babes… I've never forgotten that conversation and whenever I think about it I am reminded of Matthew 18:2-4
As adults we tend to muddle things up all the time and make excuses for behaviors. Kids speak more honestly because they haven't been as tainted by the ways of the world as we adults have.
So do I feel guilty now that I used "suck" in my last blog entry? Not sure. I think it's what I meant, but I wonder about how we walk this line, too! Good stuff.
OK I'm about to get real nerdy here… but I can't help it. My mom is a speech and language pathologist, so she and I have had many conversations about this topic.
For some weird/miraculous reason, words such as those that are commonly called "curse words" aren't stored in the same portion of the brain as regular speech. The human brain interprets those words as something other than language and processes it in a different way. People who have strokes or massive head injuries and loose their speech often still remember curse words. They can completely forget how to say their own name, but still remember how to use the f word when something hurts or feels uncomfortable.
So, it can be said that "curse" words aren't really words at all but an instinctual way to express emotion or feeling, the same as a smile or a frown. My mom used to always tell me that because those words fall into a different category of language, using them only demonstrates a lack of self-control or a poor vocabulary.
Also different generations consider different words to be curse words. Fifty years ago the word pregnant would have been on that list. It's possible that in another fifty years all the words that you listed will just become a normal part of speech as people use them more and more often.
Just kind of a new way to think about it. I don't know whether or not that makes saying them more or less moral, but it puts that verse from James into a new perspective about being slow to speak and slow to anger. Curse words really aren't words at all but an expression of the heart. Its not the word that's always the problem, but they can be indicators of deeper sin, depending upon the context.
-Maddy Creekmore