My daughter loves puns. They’re funny only because my daughter knows how silly they are.

How do you throw a space party? You planet. How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars. I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

[sigh] 

Here’s the rule: when your only daughter tells a joke with such a cringy punchline you are still required to laugh. Actually, the laughing at it is what’s so funny. We look around and think, “That was so contrived and silly. Why are we laughing? Now I’m laughing at you laughing.” Puns are painful. Let’s agree that they’re cute for kids. OK?

But not with pastors. It’s not cute when pastors try to be clever.

Perhaps this is something entirely unfamiliar to you—that is, pastors being clever. Maybe you’re even thinking, “My pastor has the opposite problem.”

[sigh again]

That may be another post for another day.

I digress. Pastors, we have got to stop being clever. Is there ever a need for all the points to start with the same letter? Or to rhyme? Or alliterate? Are we so arrogant with scriptural texts that we assume sermon notes on communion should read this way:

Body of Christ

Received with Thanksgiving

Earthly Shadows

Absolute Mercy

Dedicated in Humility

Did you just throw up in your sanctified mouth like I did? Yep.

Even more than all of that, do we really think those we are shepherding are just too dumb and simple-minded to take a scriptural text at face value? We must because we keep making things clever.

Pastors, let’s stop this ridiculous and contrived sermonizing that is helping no one and minimizing the bible and demeaning God’s people and making us a meme!

Pastors, please stop being clever. Let’s simply teach/preach the bible with Spirit power, gut-level honesty, while perpetually murdering our people-pleasing bent.