My wife has both the pain and privilege of being the one who tells me when I’m being a turd. This happens more often than I’m comfortable. But somewhere in the basement of our marital vows she promised to call me on my bull. Unfortunately, like most people, I tend to see myself amidst the bright light of my own glory. On unchecked days, I tend to think I’m pretty amazing. However, as I come into the brilliance of the solar giant of Jesus, my own goodness is a pin light in comparison.

I was dragged kicking and screaming into this reality once again last week.  Amy and I were meeting with one of our kid’s coaches. Gracious and straight-forward are words I would use to describe this woman. She serves in a thankless role. Awful and mean are the adjectives my wife later used to describe me.

I came to this meeting with a list of grievances. Complaints. Reasons and cogent arguments undergirded my fury. Honestly, I was unaware of my behavior—blinded by a perceived justice. This kind coach listened and nodded and generously understood. She did everything right. But I was mad! I couldn’t rattle her. So I upped the ante. I insulted the team.   I know . . . I’m a turd. Still, she didn’t flinch. I left the meeting unsatisfied. I was out for a fight and all I got was grace. I was even angrier over that fact.

Of course, now I’m deeply embarrassed. I have since apologized, owned my own idiocy, and tried to understand my broken self-awareness. Why did I come unhinged over something so silly? I have come up with a couple of reasons:

Redemption is not a one and done transaction. Yes, I am redeemed by Jesus. My soul is secure and the fingerprint of salvation is on my life. That is one and done. But I am still being redeemed everyday—forgiven, transformed, and recreated into the image of Jesus. Everyday and every meeting is another opportunity to see God at work. It turns out this is why mercy is new every morning. Because I need mercy every morning.

I long for justice. In fact, every human being longs for justice. Our hearts ache and get angry when we perceive wrongs are being done in the name of right motives. Most recently, the events in Charlottesville have made our blood boil as we have seen anti-Christ and satanic behavior become normalized. We long for justice in moments and places that are so obvious. But when our hearts and lives are not connected to the God of justice, places that are not so obvious become less about justice and more about our greed, fear, and self-protection.

Until I am fully redeemed in heaven and finally experience the full justice of glory, I will do my best to keep my mouth shut. I will clap loudly at every game, encourage every coach, and give ear to my wife who lovingly calls me a turd.