This season of graduations—from Pre-K all the way up to post-graduate degrees–is quickly drawing to a close. Caps and gowns dot the landscape, accompanied by the mandatory inspirational speeches.  I have always secretly wanted to speak at a college graduation. Perhaps you wonder why. I’m bearing my heart here, so don’t judge.  Honestly, I want an honorary doctorate. I barely made it through school and I would love to have those two little letters on my business card—Dr.  I wouldn’t make you call me “doctor” . . . unless you made me mad. Shallow, I know. But there is another reason.  I’d like to stand before a thousand young adults, ready to step into real life, and say what everyone else isn’t saying.  Most graduation speeches say three things:

1. You can do anything you put your mind to.

2. You are incredible!

3. Failure is not an option.

While I appreciate a good pep rally like everyone else, graduation speeches need a little more grounding in reality.  Here are the five things I would tell graduates:

1.  You will not be famous. David Brooks, in his book Road to Character, recounts that the number one goal of teens in the 1940’s was to serve their country.  In contrast, the number one goal of teens in 2010 was to be famous.  I’d like to tell graduating seniors that notoriety is not the defining mark of personal value.  What makes a person important is whether he or she is doing something important for the sake of eternity.

2. You will fail . . . a lot! Of course, I would say that their failure does not make them a failure, it makes them human.  We all fail.  And I would follow up with the reminder that their failure may not even lead to an overwhelming success.  You might then remind me that Abraham Lincoln lost six elections and had two failed businesses, and he still became president.  I get it—that’s inspiring!  But sometimes people fail, lose, get beat-up, and fall to the back of the line.  It’s part of life, but it doesn’t have to define your worth.

3.  You can’t do everything you put your mind to. Sorry.  Not everyone can be the president or CEO or runway model.  But you can do your best.  You have control over your attitude.  You can choose to honor God with your time and education and work week.  The most important people I have known are unknowns.  They are husbands and fathers who clock in every day to a job they don’t necessarily love; bring home an unremarkable paycheck so their kids can eat; faithfully serve their church and city. I know they have big dreams. We all do.  But sometimes the greatest thing we can do is be faithful in the little things and let that be enough.

4.  Get in deep community. Preferably grace-saturated, Jesus-loving community.  So put down your dumb phone.  There are real people in front of you.  This is gonna hurt . . . but nobody is interested in your recent post on Instagram.  Yes, that picture of your lunch does look delicious, but seriously, you’re an idiot if you think staring down at your device for several hours every day is going to satisfy the cavern of loneliness in your heart.  Start walking with people who will push you and pull you and even injure you for the sake of what matters most.

5.  Stop talking so much. (I save this one for the end of my speech because it is the most painful and I don’t want people to walk out early). You are not as smart and wise and funny and inspirational as you think you are.  I know your momma told you that you’re special, and you are, but close your mouth for about ten years.  There are sages and seniors eager to give you pearls of wisdom and point out the short-cuts you should avoid.  Two ears and one mouth.  Listen twice as much as you talk.  That’s what my momma told me.

After a solid 15-minute standing ovation for my anti-inspirational speech, I will head home to my very ordinary, grace-filled life.

For a sampling of some solid graduation speeches, check these out.