My Step-Mom died last week. She fought a hard battle with Alzheimers and died at the age of 71. I flew down on Tuesday and spent the duration of the week with family reminiscing over life and how soon it comes to an end. The funeral, like most funerals, was filled with sadness and sorrow. A short sermon by the rabbi, followed by a couple readings out of the Old Testament and then a song sung by my sister. It feels cheap to give an opinion about a funeral–but it was a good one. Tears and laughter and remembering filled the little sanctuary. I liked her funeral. Frankly, I like all funerals. If weddings are the alternative, give me dark suits, teary eyes and introspective guests every time. Funerals are opportunities in which we are put on notice that life, our life, is coming quickly to an end. The apostle James understood this when he said that we are just a vapor. Even the band Kansas knew it when they sang Dust in the Wind. But boy, are we forgetful. Life gets moving so fast and before we know it we have given ourselves wholly over to every dumb toy and weak pleasure. Deep down we know that the way we are spending our life has no real substance, but we convince ourselves that one day we will make a change.
Then someone dies.
A funeral happens. Sitting in that lonely pew we are given the gift of clarity. Everything makes sense now! One day we will be in that box and someone will be either telling lies about us or they will have very little to say. We think to ourselves, “Do I really want my legacy to be that I was just a good provider?” or “He sure loved to tailgate and was so much fun to be around!” We imagine what our funerals might be like and then the promises come. We swear that we are going to make some real changes. We’re going to live for what matters in the scope of eternity. We have come to life—because funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the living.
Every funeral gives us the opportunity to see things clearly. Here are a few that usually come into view:
1. Jesus is the treasure. There’s no getting around the fact that most funerals are about eternity. I attend lots of funerals because of my occupation as a pastor and I have heard lots of people (even pastors) say, “Ole Joe, he’s in heaven right now because he was a good man and he loved his family.” Funerals are not the time to lie about eternity. Standing behind a casket should awaken us to the reality of our desperate need for God in our life. Heaven is not for people who are good, heaven is for people who treasure Jesus Christ above all things. Let the funeral march be the anthem that leads you to surrender fully to our King and Savior Jesus.
2. Don’t leave things unsaid. Funerals are the great interrupters of a lifetime of grudges. Waiting and waiting for him to apologize is often just a day too long. Thinking that one day we will get to have that conversation we’ve always wanted comes crashing down as we see their cold body now unable to respond. The moment of affection or the one more “I love you” is now mortally overdue. A funeral gives us eternal courage to pick up the phone and make the call.
3. You can’t take it with you. I recently saw a hearse with a U-haul behind it. Seriously. So I won’t repeat that tired saying. But really, you were born with nothing and you will die with nothing. The reading of the Will reminds us that they left it all. They have given away all their possessions . . . involuntarily. If we are going to give it all away eventually, why don’t we just strive to do that while we’re alive? Quit storing up where moth and rust will destroy. Give it away. Get some joy. Make war on avarice and remind yourself that Jesus is all you really need.
4. Fight for the right reputation. Lies are common at funerals. “He was a good man. He loved his family and was faithful to the Lord. He would give you the shirt off his back.” Usually lies. I like funerals where the pastor tells the truth. “He had a temper. He and Sharon were together for 38 years, but they struggled. He had bouts of depression too. But he had Jesus. He loved Jesus! He had a temper, but he was accountable to some godly men and he made war on it. He and Sharon were together for 38 years and they struggled, but they struggled together and pursued God’s best for them in it. Depression almost got the best of him, but he gave himself over to godly community and they went to battle together.” The right reputation is not found in having it all together. A right reputation is found in Christ’s sufficiency and grace in our lives. A funeral gives us fresh eyes on what we’d like people to see and say about us.
5. Savor every second. Drink up the little moments today. Planning and praying towards the big moments is reasonable, but don’t pass by the little ones too fast. They’re easy to miss. Dinner around a table with family. A nice glass of Malbec with friends. My daughter’s giggle when she’s tickled. The quiet moments with God. These are all small moments, but they make up the bulk of our lives. Drink up and savor every one of them. Because in the not too distant future your life will be summed up in 10 minute eulogy. Take what you can and treasure them deeply.
